Archive for the 'Marriage' Category

Positive and Negative Spirals

Our partners in life are one of the biggest influences on our growth, development as a person, and happiness (parents are the other big one). If you’re having trouble, you and your relationship are worth improving!

People tend to underestimate how much of an influence your love partner has on your life. Stop for a minute. This is the person you see every day, who you usually live with, who you talk to about everything (hopefully).

They can help you grow as a person and support your dreams and hopes in life.

They can also influence you in ways you’re not even aware of. Research studies have shown that couples’ rate of breathing, heart rates, and walking paces synchronize when they’re together. Their communication styles also synchronize and they become very efficient at communication. Someone who can do all of this to your body also has an influence on your emotions and mind.

One study showed that negative interactions between couples also synchronize, which means that the “negative spiral” is a real effect! It’s not just in our imaginations that we hit a rough spot. It really does happen. It also means though that you can enter a “positive spiral” and hit a really good spot.

Positive spirals build on each other and help protect the couple when they hit a rougher patch. If you haven’t had a positive spiral in a while, talk to your marriage partner to see if you can shift it together. Do some things you enjoy together to help shift you into a positive spiral.


Reactions to the eBook

Since launching my free eBook, some reactions from readers have come in. In sum, they like it! Several people have emailed me to say how much they enjoyed it and that the tips are relevant and practical.

As an author, that’s great to hear. Usually you write, pass it by several people to edit (that you trust to be brutally honest), then edit it again yourself. But you don’t really know how it’s going to strike people until you put it out there.

If you haven’t read it . . . here are Warning Signs of a Marriage in Trouble:

• Ridicule
• Eye Rolling
• Name calling
• Hurtful comments
• Sarcasm that is hurtful
• No sex or happens infrequently
• No or very little attraction
• None or very little affection
• Either partner avoiding phone calls or emails
• Refusing to discuss things in the relationship
• Not wanting to talk to you, cutting conversations off
• Defensiveness – not being able to talk about most things
without one or both of you becoming defensive about it
• Constantly working, to the point where you never talk or
spend time together
• Criticism – being truly critical of your partner. Criticism is
sometimes disguised as helpfulness or “honesty.” It feels
good when your partner is truly trying to help you.
Criticism makes you feel defeated, like something is wrong
with you.

The eBook goes into what to do about those if they’re going on in your marriage. It’s Free, so Download a Copy if you want to improve your marriage.

Lifetime TV Interview airs tomorrow!

The interview for Lifetime Television airs tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. on “The Balancing Act.” Like always, they’ll let the viewers know about my website and that there are more tips available to them. If you would like to get a preview of “Your Marriage CAN Change Overnight: Ten Tips for Couples in the New Millennium, just go to the website for a Free copy.

I recommended downloading the eBook over just reading the Ten Tips on the website. The eBook goes more into the tips and also includes “Warning Signs of a Marriage in Trouble.”

Most couples intuitively know when their marriage is in trouble. It’s hard for them to seek help though.

Couples therapy or workshops can be like car maintenance. Go get your oil changes or new tires. Therapy is much more difficult if your car is pulled over to the side of the road and is on fire. Even then, plenty of couples are able to turn it around and improve their marriages.

Almost by definition, a couples therapist is going to have hope for your marriage – that it can improve, change, that both of you can be happy and grow, that you can make your way through this rough spot and onto safer ground. This is my hope for any marriage in trouble.

Lifetime t.v. interview

I was filmed today as the marriage expert for an upcoming segment on Lifetime t.v.’s show “The Balancing Act.” What a fun experience! More importantly though, they asked some good questions. One of them was:

What are some signs that your partner is dissastisfied?
The answer that got them laughing was Eye Rolling! O.k., we all do it from time to time but if it’s going on alot, then it’s something to be aware of. Eye rolling is actually a sign of disrespect. And depending on how it’s done, it can even be a sign of contempt for the other person. So keep an eye out for it (yes, pun intended!).

What to do if you see it?
I would address it with your partner. If they continue to do it, then I would look a little harder at your relationship and decide if you need to seek some help. One thing I said on the show was to get help sooner rather than later. We all change the oil on our cars and change the tires. We do the regular maintenance required to keep it running well. Don’t wait until your marriage has fire and smoke pouring out of it before you take it in. At that point, it’s no longer a tune-up; it’s a major repair. Get into counseling before that point to keep it running well.