Archive for August, 2008

Hope


Hope is not something that most depressed people have, almost by definition. Particularly when postpartum depression hits, hope goes out the window. What happened to all those¬†hopes for motherhood that you had? Where did they fly off to? The dreams of the happiest time of your life, the lazy days and staring in the baby’s eyes and milk faces. The dreams of enjoying motherhood.

Now you just feel like a big mess, with a body that isn’t yours. It seems to belong to everyone but you – your partner, your baby, other children if you have them. It’s certainly not yours.

Yes, motherhood.

You may retain some hope for your baby’s future. It may even make you cry to think that someday they will have to work or¬†they’ll be a famous doctor or they will have kids or . . . or . . . or.

But hope for yourself is pretty much non-existent. That’s o.k. right now. Sit with it. Let it be. You’ll have a hard time believing this right now, but it will return. Hope will slowly creep back in and hide under the rug and then peek it’s face up at you. Another day it will be flying around the room and you’ll catch it. It will be there in your pocket or the diaper bag for you to take out when you need it. Hope will return.